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Rory
Post  Post subject: Why we find holidays depressing?  |  Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 8:09 pm
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Think I've figured out why many people find the Christmas break depressing.

I think it's because the people we are obliged to spend the holidays with are not capable of meeting our needs and, likewise, we are incapable of meeting their needs. This, despite the fact that all we want to do, is to make each other feel happy, fulfilled and loved. Instead, we paper over the issue by giving each other material gifts for which there may be some vain desire - but no profound need.

There is no scope within the holiday culture to voice the fact that what you really want is unconditional love, affection, understanding, intimacy, friendship, kindness, consideration, privacy, respect and to be listened to and cared for... and that those bearing gifts are in no position to be able to provide those.

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Falconer360
Post  Post subject: Re: Why we find holidays depressing?  |  Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 10:49 pm
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I don't really get depressed during the holidays. I get depressed in the month before my birthday (b-day is May 20). I do sometimes feel bad or mildly depressed during the holidays, but that is typically because I feel that no matter what I give my loved ones, it seems inadequate for the love they have for me and the things they have given me. So I tend to go way overboard and give many presents.

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Rory
Post  Post subject: Re: Why we find holidays depressing?  |  Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2016 10:58 pm
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"It's not enough, is it?" :P

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scoobydoo1
Post  Post subject: Re: Why we find holidays depressing?  |  Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 2:47 am
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Rory wrote:
Think I've figured out why many people find the Christmas break depressing.

Odd.

My conclusion is that why some people find holidays to be depressing is because they partake in this particular social exercise. If a particular activity confers health problems - stop participating in it.


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iNow
Post  Post subject: Re: Why we find holidays depressing?  |  Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 4:12 pm
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Rory wrote:
Think I've figured out why many people find the Christmas break depressing.

I think it's because the people we are obliged to spend the holidays with are not capable of meeting our needs and, likewise, we are incapable of meeting their needs. This, despite the fact that all we want to do, is to make each other feel happy, fulfilled and loved. Instead, we paper over the issue by giving each other material gifts for which there may be some vain desire - but no profound need.

There is no scope within the holiday culture to voice the fact that what you really want is unconditional love, affection, understanding, intimacy, friendship, kindness, consideration, privacy, respect and to be listened to and cared for... and that those bearing gifts are in no position to be able to provide those.

This explanation seems to gloss over those who are sad because the holidays remind them of people they've lost, folks with whom they truly enjoyed spending holiday time with while still alive. It's more about loneliness and isolation IMO than about feeling like one is obligated to act "fake."

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Rory
Post  Post subject: Re: Why we find holidays depressing?  |  Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 6:29 pm
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Of course, loss of a loved one is a major cause of depression during the holidays.

But, even for those not dealing with loss, feelings of loneliness and isolation can be overwhelming. That's what I mean by families being together but not being able to meet one another's emotional needs - despite the fact that all members of the family desire that outcome. Ordinarily, this situation is manageable, but during the holidays it crystallises in the context of (practically) the whole world willing you to be happy. Too much expectation and too little attempt at understanding.

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iNow
Post  Post subject: Re: Why we find holidays depressing?  |  Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 9:44 pm
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That, to me, is about social expectations. Everyone is expected to travel and be with people so you feel different and even ostracized if you're not one of those people. Similar things happen around Valentine's Day with people who are not dating or don't have many opportunities to do so.

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Rory
Post  Post subject: Re: Why we find holidays depressing?  |  Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 9:53 pm
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"or don't have many opportunities to do so"

I like the way you said that, very diplomatic :P

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wegs
Post  Post subject: Re: Why we find holidays depressing?  |  Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2016 2:35 am
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I've typically loved the holidays, but for those I know who get a little down or depressed during that time, it's usually because they are missing someone they've lost, or they are estranged from someone they love. The holidays are a reminder of family, love and togetherness, so if you are struggling with any one of those areas, or all of them, it will be a melancholy period of time.


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scire
Post  Post subject: Re: Why we find holidays depressing?  |  Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2016 4:02 am

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I've read lots of articles that all say that the depression during the holidays is largely a myth.

Here's one from the CDC, but there are others. Some talk specifically about suicide, others about depression in general.

http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/suicide/holiday.html


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Lynx_Fox
Post  Post subject: Re: Why we find holidays depressing?  |  Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2016 1:27 pm

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scire wrote:
I've read lots of articles that all say that the depression during the holidays is largely a myth.


Like.


Yes is mostly a media driven falsehood, which I wish would stop so we could focus our efforts on last spring when depression risk are really highest (in the Northern Hemisphere)


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wegs
Post  Post subject: Re: Why we find holidays depressing?  |  Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2016 5:47 pm
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scire wrote:
I've read lots of articles that all say that the depression during the holidays is largely a myth.

Here's one from the CDC, but there are others. Some talk specifically about suicide, others about depression in general.

http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/suicide/holiday.html


That's so interesting, and I ''like'' this comment, too.


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