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Rory
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2016 3:46 pm
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Now we need a 'like' button :)

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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2016 3:42 am
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A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it." - See more at: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/scien ... BErj6.dpuf


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marnixR
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2016 8:03 am
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to any IT geek this is too good a joke to miss

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iNow
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2016 12:42 pm
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Lol. Gotta love SMBC.

Here's another that made me chuckle:

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Rory
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2016 2:04 pm
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That 'baby' Jesus looks about 4 :lol:

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Falconer360
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:05 pm
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Rory
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2016 11:19 pm
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:D My downstairs neighbours had that exact quarrel this evening (I can hear them through the floor/ceiling)

They're not that emotionally mature :roll:

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marnixR
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2016 7:31 am
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there was this manager who approached the HR manager and said : "I want to place an advert calling for a one-handed metallurgist"

the HR manager raised his eyebrows and queried "a one-handed metallurgist ? why on earth would you want a one-handed metallurgist ?"

the manager replied "because I'm totally fed up asking my present lot of metallurgists for their opinion on something, and all I get is 'on the one hand it could be this, but on the other hand it could be that'"

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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2016 6:12 am
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let's see if this works


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iNow
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2016 4:13 pm
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babe wrote:
let's see if this works

Just FYI: I removed the previous post with the busted syntax

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"[Time] is one of those concepts that is profoundly resistant to a simple definition." ~C. Sagan


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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2016 5:00 am
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Thanks INow!!!


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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2016 5:00 am
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A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got a phone in my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, "Yes, I have a phone."

The Yugo guy said, "Cool! Hey, you also got a fridge in there, too? I've got one in my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, much annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."

The driver of the Yugo said, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, quite irritated by now, replied, "Of course, I have a television. The Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"

The driver of the Yugo said, "Yes, a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there? I got a bed in my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, upset that he did not have a bed, sped away and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered a bed to be installed in the back of his Rolls-Royce.

The next morning, he returned to pick up his car, and the bed looked superb! It came complete with silk sheets and a brass-trimmed headboard. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Rolls went out searching for the Yugo. He drove around all day and finally found the Yugo late that night, parked, with all the windows fogged up. He got out and knocked on the window of the Yugo. When there wasn't any answer, he continued knocking until finally, the owner of the Yugo lowered the window, and stuck his head out.

"I now have a bed in my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.

The Yugo guy looked at him and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!?!"


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marnixR
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2016 9:26 pm
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warning: this is sexist joke, proceed at your own peril

a man approaches an attractive girl at a bar and says "would you go to bed with me for 1,000,000 dollars ?"
the girl gives him a look-over and replies "OK then"

to which the man says "would you go to bed with me for 5 dollars ?"
this time the girl's reply is "what girl do you take me for ?!?"

to which the man continues "we've already established that - we're only haggling over the price right one"

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"Someone is WRONG on the internet" (xkcd)


Last edited by iNow on Fri Sep 09, 2016 1:50 am, edited 2 times in total.
Replaced $ signs with the word "dollars" to fix latex rendering error


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Rory
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2016 9:48 pm
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I don't get it

Also, the dollar sign makes the formatting dodgy - I discovered that in the Economics thread

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Rory
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2016 9:52 pm
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Are you saying that a woman paid a man to have sex with a woman?

That's not funny :roll:

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iNow
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2016 1:50 am
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Rory wrote:
Also, the dollar sign makes the formatting dodgy - I discovered that in the Economics thread

Fixed

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marnixR
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2016 6:43 am
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Rory wrote:
Are you saying that a woman paid a man to have sex with a woman?

That's not funny :roll:


maybe i'm not telling this one right, or otherwise it comes across better when told rather than written
or otherwise this is one of those jokes that men find funny and women don't

in short, the girl is willing to go to bed with the man if he paid her a million dollars but not if it's only 5

hence the conclusion has to be that she doesn't mind going to bed with him, but that the price has to be right

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"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." (Philip K. Dick)
"Someone is WRONG on the internet" (xkcd)


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Rory
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2016 7:03 am
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I guess the humour derives from the fact that the woman's response defies societal values?

Maybe my moral compass has fallen off a cliff, but I just see her response as logical.

I'm not saying I would do the same in the woman's situation!

But, if you look at it in terms of game theory and genes, the woman's response isn't that surprising.

(I bet you wish I would have just laughed :P )

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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2016 8:07 am
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I DID think this quite funny


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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2016 6:43 am
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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2016 6:50 am
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Dywyddyr
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2016 8:50 am
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I cried yesterday because I missed my ex.

Why can't bullets be cheaper?


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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2016 8:55 am
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Dywyddyr wrote:
I cried yesterday because I missed my ex.

Why can't bullets be cheaper?



chuckle


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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2016 7:02 am
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Falconer360
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2016 3:43 pm
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I'll need a ride on that bus.

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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2016 6:57 am
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Falconer360 wrote:
I'll need a ride on that bus.


Get on BOARD


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Falconer360
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2016 4:01 pm
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I have the feeling this is going to be one hell of a fun bus trip!

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"It is easy to kill someone with a slash of a sword. It is hard to be impossible for others to cut down" - Yagyu Munenori


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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2016 8:11 am
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Falconer360 wrote:
I have the feeling this is going to be one hell of a fun bus trip!


I need my angel cap! *L*


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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2016 8:15 am
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IMPORTANT MESSAGE
Facebook will begin stealing your undies at midnight tonight if you don't copy & paste this message in the next hour, forward it to everyone in your mailing list, print a hard copy for your grandmother & call your third grade teacher. This is real. I got the message first hand from Elvis who was having lunch with Bigfoot, while riding the Loch Ness monster. It was even on the inside back cover of every tabloid in the grocery store checkout line. Not only will Facebook start charging you tomorrow, they are also going to bill your credit card for the past 3 years of services. Luckily, each person who copies & pastes this status will receive a FREE unicorn in the mail tomorrow. However, if you don't repost this status, Facebook code has been set up to automatically set your computer on fire & harm an innocent bunny in the forest! It's all true, it was on the news! It's official! Facebook users will believe anything their friends copy & paste into their status


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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2016 8:19 am
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Image


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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: Welcome to all .com refugees.  |  Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2016 11:22 am
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Falconer360
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2016 3:39 pm
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^Love it babe.

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Rory
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2016 7:42 pm
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I was waiting for that joke to turn dirty :?

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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2016 9:22 am
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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2016 9:24 am
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A guy and a girl meet at a bar.

They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his
hands.

He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "you must be a dentist."
the guy, surprised, says, "yes, how did you figure that out?"
"easy", she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
one thing led to another, and they make love.

After they are done,the girl says,"you must be a good dentist."
the guy, now with a boosted ego, says, "sure, i am a good dentist. How
did you figure that out?
"the girl replies..."didn't feel a thing."


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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2016 9:25 am
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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2016 9:26 am
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One day out on the golf course, a golfer accidentally overturned his golf cart.
A very attractive woman, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise, came out onto her balcony and called out to him, Hey, are you okay?

I'm fine, thanks," he replied.

"You look frazzled, the woman said, Come up to my villa for a drink and I will help you get the cart up afterwards."

"That's mighty nice of you," he answered, But I don't think my wife would like that."

"Oh, come on, " the woman, a gorgeous blond in a sexy bikini, insisted. I can see you've cut your head. It could be serious. Let me take care of that right away. I'm a nurse.

She was very persuasive....and he was weak.

"Well okay," he agreed, but added, "But my wife won't like it."

After she bandaged his wound, she gave him a most welcome brandy. They talked a little about golf and he discovered she was an avid golfer with a four handicap. When he confessed to a weakness in his putting, she gave him a putting lesson holding him close and intimately as she did so.

Finally he confessed, "I feel a lot better now, but I had better get going. I know my wife is going to be really upset with me being here with you."

"Don't be silly! the woman said with a smile, She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Under the cart," he replied.


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Falconer360
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2016 2:55 pm
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^Like

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marnixR
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2016 9:24 pm
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wife: doctor, my husband always talks in his sleep - is there anything that can be done about it ?

doctor: yes, you could start with letting him have a word in edgeways during the day time

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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2016 10:53 am
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Like


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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2016 10:55 am
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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2016 10:57 am
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marnixR
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2016 5:41 pm
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my favourite Bush joke :

the president is being briefed that two Brazilian soldiers have been killed in a riot

GWB looks absolutely horrified and exclaims "omg, tell me it's not true !"

the two aides in the room look at each other rather puzzled, taken aback by the president vehement reaction, which appears rather over the top

that is, until Bush asks them "how many is a brazillion ?"

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"Someone is WRONG on the internet" (xkcd)


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Daecon
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2016 4:38 am
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Isn't a brazillion the collective term for a group of mammary glands?


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One beer
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2016 9:03 am
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@marnixR: 'like' :lol:

OB


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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2016 4:37 am
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marnixR
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2016 8:56 am
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there's this man who's praying to god : "please god, let me win the lottery"

to his amazement, god replies : "how about meeting me halfway and buy a lottery ticket first ?"

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"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." (Philip K. Dick)
"Someone is WRONG on the internet" (xkcd)


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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2016 10:37 am
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https://www.facebook.com/Crazy247/videos/1139223932755985/


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marnixR
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2016 3:27 pm
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this is an old one ,from the days when Bill Gates was still boss of Microsoft, although it's probably still good to rile the Microsoft afficionados

Q. what's the difference between Bill Gates and god ?
A. god doesn't think he's Bill Gates

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"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." (Philip K. Dick)
"Someone is WRONG on the internet" (xkcd)


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babe
Post  Post subject: Re: the joke thread  |  Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 9:12 am
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